AUTOMATIC CHOKE

If you have any age on you at all you will recall the days of the choke -- and the throttle -- which were located on the dashboard of your car.

If memory serves me correctly it was about 1948, when my granddad bought a big black Dodge with a semi-automatic transmission that Chrysler Corp also introduced the automatic choke.

And now, 57 years later, major league baseball has modernized to the point where the American League's Most Valuable Player comes complete with his very own automatic choke.

I am speaking, of course, of the dearly loved and departed A-Rod, Alex Rodriguez, the $250 million dollar man.

The New York Yankees wooed him away from the Texas Rangers -- trumpeting him as the final piece of the puzzle that would put the Bronx Bombers back in the World Championship circle.

And again this year, A-Rod sparkled through the season leading the Bronx Bombers to the AL East title.

But then, true to his form, during the playoff championships he choked -- again.

Maybe the Yankees should ship him off to Chrysler Corp for some fine tuning.

MY GOOD BUDDY BILL

I got a letter yesterday which seemed to be from a life long buddy named Bill Novelli. You know, that "chummy" sort of letter.

Actually it was from William Novelli, CEO of AARP, and he said he was all concerned about five items which were effecting senior citizens:

1. Ensuring affordability of prescription drugs

2. Protecting Social Security

3. Fighting age discrimination on the job

4. Protecting long term care

5. Encouraging self-reliant programs.

These are items which should be of concern to all of us over 50.

Bill said there are two things we need to do about it -- and both are vitally important.

First -- we need to contact the powers that be in Washington DC and voicing our concerns to them. To aid this he sent me printed petitions to sign and send to my two U.S. Senators and U.S. Representative.

Second -- I needed to immediately send AARP a donation of at least $15.00 but he would prefer a $500 contribution.

You bet your bippy Bill thinks that donation is important.

As CEO of AARP he makes $458,468.00 in salary plus $9,266.00 in expenses each year.

Lets break this down.

If Bill is paid monthly, his paycheck is $38,205.67 and his expense check is $772.17.

On a weekly basis that paycheck would be $8,816.69 and the expense check would be $178.19.

How many of you are drawing a Social Security check each month that totals less than Bill's weekly salary?

I thought so.

So lets all get our check books out and send a donation today so Bill won't miss a payday.

I'll race you to see whose gets there first.

I got a letter yesterday which seemed to be from a life long buddy named Bill Novelli. You know, that "chummy" sort of letter.

Actually it was from William Novelli, CEO of AARP, and he said he was all concerned about five items which were effecting senior citizens:

1. Ensuring affordability of prescription drugs

2. Protecting Social Security

3. Fighting age discrimination on the job

4. Protecting long term care

5. Encouraging self-reliant programs.

These are items which should be of concern to all of us over 50.

Bill said there are two things we need to do about it -- and both are vitally important.

First -- we need to contact the powers that be in Washington DC and voicing our concerns to them. To aid this he sent me printed petitions to sign and send to my two U.S. Senators and U.S. Representative.

Second -- I needed to immediately send AARP a donation of at least $15.00 but he would prefer a $500 contribution.

You bet your bippy Bill thinks that donation is important.

As CEO of AARP he makes $458,468.00 in salary plus $9,266.00 in expenses each year.

Lets break this down.

If Bill is paid monthly, his paycheck is $38,205.67 and his expense check is $772.17.

On a weekly basis that paycheck would be $8,816.69 and the expense check would be $178.19.

How many of you are drawing a Social Security check each month that totals less than Bill's weekly salary?

I thought so.

So lets all get our check books out and send a donation today so Bill won't miss a payday.

I'll race you to see whose gets there first.

SAME SEX MARRIAGE ELECTION DAY

When you go to the polls today to vote -- try and remember this picture and ask yourself this question --

Would you marry this guy/gal or whatever it is?

Then vote accordingly.

The picture is of a crossdresser which appears on the Yahoo website -- a place where your young children can visit and see -- this and far worse -- with just a little effort.

I have yet to understand how one man's desire to put another man's penis in his mouth and suck it entitles him to any sort of special consideration or protection.

But then I am not a Democrat.

WHY LIBERALS ARE ANONYMOUS

After a long hiatus -- which I hope doesn't happen again -- I returned to this site this morning and found the following comment posted to a derogatory blog I had posted about muslim murderers.

Anonymous said...
I'm not a Muslim but I just have to speak up about your selective history.So, here is my question... who has killed more people in the history of civilization?A: The "Christian" western nations or B: The Muslim nations?Hint: It's not even close. I am not an apologist for the Muslims but I do believe it is a sin to bear false witness.

Above is a picture of the corpse of an American citizen who was beheaded by these same muslims Anonymous thinks I have maligned.

Right off the bat I know this joker is a liberal and I don't blame him for wanting to be anonymous -- if my mind produced flawed reasoning like his I would not want anyone to know who I am either.

But notice -- he asks me a question.

And does not give me a means to answer it.

Either this guy does not give a flip about my reply or he is stupid beyond belief -- probably a product of what our education system has sunk to.

I have never felt compelled to give my opinion on anything without wanting people to know whose opinion it is.

Three things I know about this Mr. Anonymous

1. He is a liberal

2. He is a Democrat

3. If he even professes to be a Christian he does not have the foggiest idea of what Christianity is all about.

Come to think of it -- the same thing is true about a lot of Americans today.

WE DID WHAT????????????????

Do you realize what we did?

Yesterday we turned over $51.8 billion dollars in taxes we pay to a group of idiots in Louisiana and Missippi who have proved beyond any doubt that they are totally incapable of doing any kind of job for which they were either elected or appointed.

I am speaking of the $51.8 billion dollar aid package for Hurricane Katrina victims that was approved by our legislative bodies.

The vote in the House of Representatives was 410 for and 11 against. In the Senate it was 97-0.

This means that somewhere in Washington there are 11 legislators who have retained some sort of sanity. Unfortunately they are all in the House of Representatives -- none in the Senate.

Each nay voter was not voting against financial aid for Katrina victims, they were saying no to the way the money will be spent.

So lets look at who is doing the spending.

First, New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin, who has proved beyond any shadow of a doubt that he is totally incapable of running a city and is merely a plugged in figure to attain a racial balance, is sure to have a say in this spending of $51.8 billion.

Five days prior to the arrival of Katrina this joker issued an order that "everyone who could should evacuate New Orleans."

At his disposal were a total of 569 busses, capable of carrying 33,350 people in one trip.

Did he use these busses to transport people with no way to leave New Orleans?

No, he let them set there and they were covered with water during the flood and totally ruined.

Can you imagine how much of this $51.8 billion is going to be siphoned off by this moron -- into his bank accounts as well as those of his close lackeys? This is mind boggling.

Also helping spend this $51.8 billion will be Louisiana governor Kathleen Blanco -- the same governor who was told by President Bush that he was issuing a declaration of disaster for Louisiana two days before Katrina struck-- did not call for the federal aid or troops that were offered until two days after the hurricane hit.

Can you imagine what a governor this stupid will do when she starts helping spend $51.8 billion?

As tax payers we are getting ready to finance a three ring circus that is going to cost in excess of $100 billion before they are through spending -- most of it going to rebuilding property that is certain to be destroyed by a hurricane in the near future.

So lets sit back and enjoy the show

SO YOU KNOW YOUR HISTORY?

HISTORY TEST

Please pause a moment, reflect back, and take thefollowing multiple choice test. The events are actualevents from history. They actually happened!!!

Do you remember?

1. 1968 Bobby Kennedy was shot and killed by

a. Superman
b. Jay Leno
c. Harry Potter
d. a Muslim male extremist between the ages of 17 and40

2. In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, athletes werekidnapped and massacred by

a. Olga Corbett
b. Sitting Bull
c. Arnold Schwarzenegger
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of17 and 40

3. In 1979, the US embassy in Iran was taken over by:

a. Lost Norwegians
b. Elvis
c. A tour bus full of 80-year-old women
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of17 and 40

4. During the 1980's a number of Americans were kidnapped in Lebanon by:

a. John Dillinger
b. The King of Sweden
c. The Boy Scouts
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

5. In 1983, the US Marine barracks in Beirut was blownup by:

a. A pizza delivery boy
b. Pee Wee Herman
c. Geraldo Rivera
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of17 and 40

6. In 1985 the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijackedand a 70 year old American passenger was murdered and thrown overboard in his wheelchair by:

a. The Smurfs
b. Davy Jones
c. The Little Mermaid
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of17 and 40

7. In 1985 TWA flight 847 was hijacked at Athens, and a US Navy diver trying to rescue passengers was murdered by:

a. Captain Kidd
b. Charles Lindberg
c. Mother Teresa
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of17 and 40

8. In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by:

a. Scooby Doo
b. The Tooth Fairy
c. Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of17 and 40

9. In 1993 the World Trade Center was bombed the first time by:

a. Richard Simmons
b. Grandma Moses
c. Michael Jordan
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of17 and 40

10. In 1998, the US embassies in Kenya and Tanzaniawere bombed by:

a. Mr. Rogers
b. Hillary Clinton, to distract attention from WildBill's women problems
c. The World Wrestling Federation
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of17 and 40

11. On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked; two were used as missiles to take out the World Trade Centers and of the remaining two, one crashed into the US Pentagon and the other was diverted and crashed by the passengers.Thousands of people were killed by:

a. Bugs Bunny, Wiley E. Coyote, Daffy Duck and ElmerFudd
b. The Supreme Court of Florida
c. Mr. Bean
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

12. In 2002 the United States fought a war inAfghanistan against:

a. Enron
b. The Lutheran Church
c. The NFL
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of17 and 40

13. In 2002 reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by:

a. Bonnie and Clyde
b. Captain Kangaroo
c. Billy Graham
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of17 and 40

Nope, ..I really don't see a pattern here to justify profiling, do you?

So, to ensure we Americans never offend anyone, particularly fanatics intent on killing us, airport security screeners will no longer be allowed to profile certain people.

They must conduct random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids,airline pilots with proper identification, secret agents who are members of the President's security detail, 85-year old Congressmen with metal hips, andMedal of Honor winning and former Governor Joe Foss,but leave Muslim Males between the ages 17 and 40 alone lest they be guilty of profiling.

Let's send this to as many people as we can so thatthe Gloria Aldreds and other dunder-headed attorneysalong with Federal Justices that want to thwart commonsense, feel doubly ashamed of themselves -- if theyhave any such sense. As the writer of the awardwinning story "Forrest Gump" so aptly put it, "Stupidis as stupid does."

LETS CUT AND RUN IN IRAQ

I finally agree with the Democrats.

Lets cut our losses and high tail it out of Iraq.

Unlike the Democrats, I have developed an exit plan -- copies of which I have distributed to President Bush, Secretary of State Rice, Secretary of Defense Rumsfield and the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

It is quite a simple plan that can quickly be implemented -- requiring three basic steps.

1. Pull all Americans -- military and civilians -- out of Iraq immediately.

2. Stage a fly over of Iraq by a wing of B-1 bombers carrying a total of 15 nuclear devices which will be dropped strategically throughout the country and detonated at a high altitude.

3. Stage robot flyovers of Iraq for the next 14 years. When the atmosphere has cooled down enough from radiation, send in technicians to take over the oil fields.

No fuss -- no muss -- no bother

Hillary says the Iraq war is all about oil -- lets prove her right

AMERICA'S BIGGEST THREAT

Last night we filled our 2002 Ford ZX2 with regular unleaded gasoline that cost $2.57 per gallon. The fillup cost was in the vicinity of $25.00 because it held just under 10 gallons.

When the car was new, three years ago, we had to strain to hit $11.00 at the fuel pump

But the price of gas at the pump is only one of the perils we face. Rising oil prices are increasing the price of virtually everything we buy and consume.

Particularly hard hit is food cost.

I cook the Wednesday night meal at Calvary Hill Baptist Church each week. Last year we broke even -- it did not cost the church a penny above what we took in and we only charge $3.50 for a complete adult meal.

Today my food cost is more than 40 percent above what it was a year ago -- and a year ago gasoline was $1.09 per gallon as compared to today's $2.56.

In light of increased transportation costs, food is one of the biggest bargains going today. The price increase has been held at roughly 40 percent while the cost of transporting the food has gone up more than 100 percent.

This past weekend gasoline prices at service stations in the Dallas area rose virtually every hour. We passed a Shell station on the way to church that was advertising gas at $2.48 per gallon. Going by this same station two hours later the listed price was $2.60 per gallon.

What could possibly transpire on a Sunday that would cause gas prices to shoot up .12 cents per gallon.

The reason is simple -- oil companies are gouging us for every cent they can steal -- and blaming it on a change in leadership of an Arab country and "uncertainty" as to future oil supplies.

Mobil Exxon is the worst offender -- profits for this conglomerate are at the highest they have ever been. Not income, mind you, profits.

Now it is time to hear the magic words.

Washington -- forget about how we are treating Arab prisoners of war who are trying to kill us --

Austin -- Forget about how you are going to steal money from a public school district that is sell sufficient and give it to a less fortunate distict that is overrun by illegal aliens who pay no taxes, speak no English and probably never will.

Forget all this and utter the magic words that will prove you do have a concern for mainstream American citizens...

For the next 90 days we are suspending all state and federal taxes on petroleum products while we get a handle on stopping these obscene crude oil prices.

Don't hold your breath until you hear these words.

Because you get right down to it -- our Republican led government and our Democratic wantabees could care less about us.

FULL CIRCLE

"It is impossible to govern the world without God and the Bible. "

These words -- spoken by President George Bush today --echoed through the halls of the United States Senate, beginning a turmoil the likes of which our nation has never seen.

"Of all the dispositions and habits that lead to political prosperity, our religion and morality are the indispensable supporters, " President Bush continued.

At this point, Democratic Senator Edward Kennedy sprang to his feet in protest and called for the Sergeant At Arms to escort the President from the dias. Senator Barbara Boxer choked and Senator Hillary Clinton fell out of her swivel chair.

"This clearly is a violation of the clause of seperation in our Constitution," Senator Kennedy roared. He further threatened to call a special inquiry hearing before the supreme court, and named his homosexual cohort in the house of representatives, Barney Franks, to head up a judicial probe.

After being driven from the speakers stand on the Senate floor President Bush continues his comments in the Senate Cloak Room.

"Let us with caution indulge the supposition that morality can be maintained without religion, President Bush said. " Reason and experience both forbid us to expect that our national morality can prevail in exclusion of religious principle."

By now you realize that this scenario is totally false -- a product of my imagination? For surely no politically correct office holder in America today would commit such traversty as this, in clear violation of ourConstitution.

The scenario is false, but the quoted words are not.

These words were spoken by President George Washington during his final speech as president.

Can you imagine?

The Father of Our Country could not speak his convictions today without incurring the wrath of the entire Democratic Party, the American Civil Liberties Union, PFlag and the Gay and Lesbian Alliance.

Isn't it comforting to know that our society today has rid itself of the shackles of injustice and intolerance that were espounded by the Founding Fathers of this nation?

We have come full circle.

Our first president, who devoted his life and his fortune to create the United States of America, would now be deemed unconstitutional.

At least he would as interpreted by the Supreme Court.

TIME FOR JIMMY CARTER TO SHUT UP

The best words that can be said about Jimmy Carter -- FORMER PRESIDENT.

Thank goodness he isn't in the White House today. Come to think of it if he had never been in the White House the war on terror might not have escalated to the heighth it is.

Speaking at a convention in Europe Carter said Guantanamo and the face that we are holding prisoners there is an embarrasment to the citizens of the United States.

I am a citizen of the United States and am puzzled as to why Carter is speaking for me.

I could care less what we do to the prisoners at Guantanamo, although I do advocate for each copy of the Koran we flush down the toilet there, we flush one Arab prisoner along with it.

But then that might violate the clause of separation of church and state -- wherever it is.

I suggest former President Carter is more of an embarrasment to the United States than a prison full of Arab terrorists.

No, I take that back -- Carter is a disgrace to the United States.

This is the same Jimmy Carter who helped heighten terror in the Middle East when he withdrew support of the Shah of Iran which led to his exile and the seizing of that country by terrorists.

This is the same Jimmy Carter who stood by and did nothing while a group of American citizens were being held hostage and mistreated in Iran.

This is the same Jimmy Carter who, when he did decide to do something about it, abandoned an expiditionary force into Iran when the ill trained and worse equipped soldiers were felled by a sandstorm.

It has taken America more than 20 years now to recover from the damage Carter did in four years in office -- and America would be well served if he kept his mouth shut

NEW YORK'S PRESIDENT

Up Yours Fella

Evidently Senator Hillary Rodam Clinton, pictured above, will only represent the people of the State of New York if she ever becomes President.

The former First B**** has been in the news lately as planning to vote against the "flag burning amendment" to the Constitution which has just passed in the House.

Because of Senator Clinton and others of her ilk it is almost certain to go down to defeat in the Senate when it comes up for vote in the near future.

I tried to email Senator Clinton regarding this but unlike most Senators, she does not list her office email address -- you have to go to her website and fill out a form to contact her.

I did -- and this is what I got back.

"Dear Friend:

Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and concerns with me
via e-mail. I hope you will understand that, because of the volume of
e-mails I receive from residents of New York State, I cannot at this time
respond to messages received from residents of other states. I encourage
you to contact your U.S. senators if you have an issue or concern that
needs immediate attention. You can access your senators electronically by
visiting http://www.senate.gov/contacting/index_by_state.cfm for a listing
of their contact information. If you are still interested in learning
more about the work I am doing on behalf of New York State, I hope you
will continue to monitor my work through my website at
http://clinton.senate.gov.

Sincerely,

Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton
New York State

Oh well --

What can you expect from a woman who thinks it is horrible if an American soldier flushes a copy of the Koran down the toilet (the same Koran that urges its followers to kill Americans) while burning the American flag is merely a matter of free speech?

THE CLAUSE OF SEPARATION

Texas governor Rick Perry is catching all sorts of flack over his "violation" of the "separation clause" of the Constitution June 5 when he went to a church school in Fort Worth to sign a bill making it illegal for a girl under 18 to have an abortion without parental consent.

Again, the question arises in my mind, where is this "clause of separation" in our Constitution?

Read the document and you find there is none.

The first amendment to the Constitution, which was ratified December 15, 1791, states:

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof, or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

Say what?

In simple terms the government shall make no law establishing a religion for America -- neither shall it prohibit the free exercise thereof.

Thomas Jefferson , as governor of Virginia in 1777, drafted an Act for the Establishment of Religious Freedom. This was later modified and became law in Virginia in 1786.

In part the article states:

Be it enacted by the General Assembly, That no man shall be compelled to frequent or support any religious worship, place or ministry whatsoever, nor shall be enforced, restrained, molested or burdened in his body or goods, nor shall otherwise suffer on account of his religious opinions or belief; but that all men shall be free to profess, and by argument to maintain, their opinion in matters of religion, and that the same shall in no wise diminish, enlarge, or affect their civil capacities.'

Note that the Virginia article maintains that no person shall be forced to take part in religious events -- and by the same token no man shall be restrained from doing so.

According to our laws, can religion be taught in a public school?

Absolutely!

To prevent it would be an act of depriving a man free access to religion.

Any laws that have come about since 1791 regarding religion and restrictions placed on it, are merely the product of nine Supreme Court justices writing legislation, an act in itself that is prohibited by the Constitution.

So lets put it all into perspective.

During the last presidential campaign, then Vice President Al Gore (a Democrat) delivered the Sunday morning "sermon" at Potter's House, a high dollar mega church in Dallas TX. It was nothing more than a campaign speech which was written solely to solicit votes for the Democratic ticket.

Clearly the media found no violation of the clause of spearation in this act because it favored a liberal agenda.

Yet Gov. Perry (a Republican) did "violate" the mythical clause when he sat down in the gym of a church to sign a bill.

I just wonder -- if Thomas Jefferson had known the mess we would make over his choice of words "a wall or separation" -- do you think he would have ever written it down?

POOR QURAN

Muslims burn the American Flag

The muslims are protesting the alleged mistreatment of the quran by American military guards.

Yet they have the right to burn the American Flag whenever they choose.

If the story is true -- and an American soldier did flush a copy of the quran down the toilet -- I hope he had the good sense to wipe with it first.

That is about the only thing it is good for.

WHAT IS A WACKO?

Now who is a wacko?

One of the former attorneys for Michael Jackson is now being quoted as telling CNN's Larry King that the mother of the young man the singer is accused of molesting is "nothing but a wacko."

Pictured above is a current picture of Michael Jackson

He talks of love abounding when he shares his bed with young children

Take a good look at that picture above?

How can anyone be more of a wacko than that?

MURDERERS FINALLY ADMIT IT

A DEMOCRAT'S CONFESSION

It is not often you can get a liberal -- especially a liberal who is a Democrat -- to tell the truth about anything.

But when they do, we should make full note of it.

Above is a sign displayed in California recently, which equates George Bush with having committed 100,000 abortions.

Tragic.

Yet the displayer, undoubtedly a Democrat, totally embraces Planned Parenthood, who, using the same criteria being used on Bush, has murdered nearly four million babies since the advent of Roe v Wade

This line of reasoning shed new light on an old situation -- the Waco Branch Davidian tragedy of some years back.

Attorney General Janet Reno did not really burn 85 small children to death --

She was merely exercising her right to a seperation of church and state.

DETROIT MAYOR STEALS FROM HIS CONSTITUENTS

Latest Public Thief -- Kwame Kilpatrick, mayor of Detroit


Thanks to a lawsuit filed by the Detroit Free Press under the Freedom of Information Act, another political thief has been uncovered.

He is 33 year old Kwame Kilpatrick, mayor of Detroit MI, and according to verified documents he has stolen nearly a quarter million dollars from the tax payers during his brief term in office -- the figure currently stands at $210,000 and is climbing daily.

Kwame did a good job in the mayor's office until he got ahold of the city's Mastercard credit card.

A private dinner in a steakhouse for he and his wife -- $850.00.

His sister had to stay overnight in New Orleans -- $836.00 for room and meals.

A stretch limo on duty the four days he had to attend a conference in Washington DC -- $3,837.00.

He took some friends and family members to this year's Super Bowl -- $11,644.00 and that was just for hotel, spas and meals.

The Detroit Free Press got hints of these carrying ons and filed under the Freedom of Information Act for copies of the city's Mastercard bill.

The newspaper received it but huge chunks of it had been blacked out.

The Free Press then went through the back door, so to speak, and received unedited copies of the bills and the rest is developing history.

To his credit, no pun intended, Kwame has begun paying the city back for some of these personal charges -- but he did not start doing so until after the Free Press exposed his shenanigans.

Hizzoners political affiliation?

Kwame Kilpatrick is a proud member of the Democratic Party.

Once again, will someone please explain to me how the Democrats are the "party of the people"?

FLUSH NEWSWEEK

Death and Injury -- sponsored by Newsweek Magazine and its hatred of the Bush Administration


Newsweek magazine recently reported that guards at the prison camp in Cuba, where for the most part Arab terrorists are detained, flushed copies of the Koran down toilets in an effort to get Muslim prisoners to talk.

Now Newsweek says it did not happen -- they (oops) made a mistake,

Sure they did -- they made a big mistake.

But the mistake was not editors failing to check facts before publishing.

The mistake was in letting their hatred of the Bush Administration overload and short circuit any "good sense" they may have had.

In my lifetime, I have seen the power of the press turned into the abuse of the press.

The news media as a whole hates and abhors George Bush and will do anything to undermine his presidency.

If you will recall, facts did not stand in the way of the New York Times publishing articles of an anti-Bush tone. And neither did Newsweek let facts stand in its way.

As a result of their Democratic Party leanings and irresponsible journalism -- 15 people are dead and and scores are injured in riots in Afghanistan by muslims protesting this reported American behavior.

And all the editor of the magazine can say is -- "I am so sorry"

It is time for media bias to stop -- and if we ever are going to have a legitimate press again -- it has to be now.

I firmly believe that journalists are the only people who lie more than lawyers.

Instead of flushing the koran -- lets flush Newsweek.

The pages of that magazine may not be as soft as Charmin, but the only thing they are fit to be used for is wiping.

GOODBYE JAY

A friend of mine named Jay Harrison got a better offer last night.

He took it.

Jay was the first person I ever met at Calvary Hill Baptist Church.

He came to our house, right before I got home, and when my wife answered the door he said

"I am Jay Harrison from Calvary Hill Baptist Church. Are you going to heaven when you die?"

Jay was a paradox -- a very controversial individual.

Either you loved him -- or you couldn't stand him.

There was no middle ground.

Jay was what the Christian community refers to as a "soul winner"

His one living passion was to introduce those who were lost to Jesus Christ -- and more often than not -- he was confrontational in doing so.

Most of my friends -- whe we get together -- talk about the Texas Rangers or the Dallas Cowboys, depending on whether it is summer or winter, and how we could straighten out the mess this world is in today.

Not Jay -- with him every conversation centered around Jesus Christ and how to bring people to Him.

He built a trailor, covered with religious signs and carrying a huge blood stained cross, which he carried in every parade or gathering they would let him enter it in.

Jay's big passion though was a ministry to the Union Gospel Mission in Dallas. He delivered a sermon there one Sunday night each month and had been doing so for years.

I used to go with him and our conversation always centered around these homeless men -- or at least their souls.

He wanted everyone of them to go to heaven.

Jay has been in rapidly declining health the past couple of years -- the result of a brain tumor.

But still -- on Praise Night at Calvary Hill each month -- there he was, singing, testifying, doing anything to proclaim the name of Jesus Christ.

Last night the Lord offered to take Jay home.

He took him up on it.

I'll always remember Jay as a man who loved Jesus Christ more than life itself.

And just watch -- he will probably be the one to introduce me to the Lord when I get there.

WHO'S ON TOP?

Rock star Elton John, right, poses with his bride-top-be(?), 42 year old David Furbish

Once again the Lone Star State makes history.

Pop star Sir Elton John, who's knighting by Queen Elizabeth once again proves that inbreeding in the British Royal Family has gotten out of hand, announced his planned wedding to his partner of the past 11 years, 42 year old David Furbish just blocks away from the State Capital in Austin where the Texas House of Representatives had just passed a law making homosexual marriages illegal in Texas.

The union will be celebrated in the same marriage hall where Prince Charles recently legalized his latest adulterous affair.

It is unclear which homosexual role John will take in this marriage, top or bottom.

But it is a good bet he will be the bottom, based on his recent tour in China.

In Taiwan John threw a hissy fit coming through immigration, standing there wringing his hands and calling photographerers "vile insensitive pigs"

Reportedly the couple will be registered at Target and Queer Nation.