SWING TIME FOR SADDAM

Anytime today -- and anytime during the next 29 days, guards could shuffle Saddam Hussein out of his jail cell, carry him to the gallows and hang him.

The highest court of appeals in Iraq has ruled that the execution of the Butcher of Baghdad must be carried out within the next 30 days.

And hundreds of citizens in Iraq are applying for the job of actually hanging him.

Plans to execute Saddam in the local soccer stadium, before thousands of cheering spectators, have pretty much been done away with. However the court ruled that pictures and videos of the event will be permitted.

The audience will be a select few with only a hand full of dignitaries knowing the exact time and location of the hanging.

Greatly increased acts of violence are expected.

It is going to be interesting to see how the next month plays out and if Saddam will actually be strung up on the gallows.

HILLLARY DANCES TO THE RIGHT

Hillary Clinton is pulling out all stops to win the presidential election of 2008 -- even to the point of hiring a consultant to help her corral votes from the "religious right".

Clinton’s new hire is Burns Strider, an evangelical Christian who directs religious outreach for House Democrats and is the lead staffer for the Democrats’ Faith Working Group, headed by incoming Majority Whip James Clyburn of South Carolina.

Hillary's publicity writers issued the following statement:

"Observers of Clinton’s expressions of faith say religion has always been important to her, that she attended prayer group meetings while first lady, and that she joined a Senate prayer group shortly after winning election in 2000,”

"Reporters anticipating Clinton’s ’08 presidential run wrongly discount her expressions of faith as cynical political maneuvering," the writers add.

NIGHTMARE ON THE VEGAS STRIP

Just when you thought he was gone for good and you could sleep safely, M.J. rears his ugly head again.

Michael Jackson, the self proclaimed king of pop, who twice has beaten child molestation charges, has landed in Las Vegas.

It was a Howard Hughes type homecoming, cloaked in secrecy at a private terminal.

None the less it was Jackson, along with his three children, who deplaned and headed for The Strip.

The Buzz is he will be the headliner at an as yet undisclosed casino on the Las Vegas Strip -- and there is even talk that he will start laying groundwork for another world tour -- hopefully excluding Dallas from his plans.

Opening odds are 3-1 that within six months he will be in hot water again with some little boy's parents.

HERE COME DA RANGERS

Meet Brandon McCarthy, the newest Texas Ranger.

At the moment he has been written in as the No. 3 starter in the Texas Rangers rotation for 2007.

Shortly after the first of the year, when Barry Zito is signed, he will be dropped to No. 4.

And that spells playoffs for the Rangers in 2007.

McCarthy is a 6-7 right hander who throws at lights out speed.

And the Rangers got him from the Chicago White Sox today in exchange for John Danks and Nick Massett.

Danks was considered to be the Rangers top pitching prospect in the minor leagues.

McCarthy could have been starting for just about any team in baseball other than the White Sox who probably had the best five man rotation in baseball.

So last year McCarthy was relegated to the bullpen rather than being sent back to the minors.

Personally I think young Jon Daniels has just pulled off another big one

HERE COMES BARRY -- ZITO THAT IS

Barry Zito says he is in no hurry to pick a new team to pitch for.

HIs agent, Scott Boros, says that all the teams still in the chase have made initial offers and now it is time to sit down and seriously talk contract.

The main two teams still in the chase are the Rangers and the New York Mets. Seattle is still holding an outside hope.

Zito recently came to the Rangers and talked to owner Tom Hicks, general manager Jon Daniels and new field manager Ron Washington, who was a coach with Zito's old team Oakland.

And Washington is one of Zito's favorites.

The drawback is that Zito is single and seemingly more suited to a New York lifestyle. But hey, girls in the Metroplex ain't all that bad.

The Mets were rolling out the red carpet for a Zito visit this past weekend, complete with dancing girls and teammates, when Barry stiffed them. Said they should come to the West Coast and talk to him, which they did.

Zito should want to pitch here. Since coming into the American League, Zito has a 9-1 record in the 12 starts he has made at Ameriquest Field -- and a 3.75 earned run average.

Translated this means Barry knows how to pitch in this ball park.

Zito says he wants to go to a team that is committed to trying to win multiple world championships.

The Rangers have two of the best in the business -- Mike Young and Mark Teixeria already on the field, along with the likes of Hank Blalock and a whole stable full of promising young pitchers.

Plus with him here the top of the Rangers rotation would be Zito, Kevin Millwood and Vince Padilla. World Series have been won with less than that.

In the next few weeks Zito will sign a contract and be paid a bunch of money.

Boros, his agent, is going to get a big chunk of that money.

Boros likes to take money from Tom Hicks -- ala the signing of Alex Rodriguez and Chan Ho Park.

Tom Hicks likes to give Boros money -- same witnesses as above.

So what it boils down to is

Barry Zito has a real good chance of becoming the newest Texas Ranger pitcher.

Hello playoffs -- lets get spring training underway.

ROSIE GETS TRUMPED

The hottest triangle in town

Rosie 00 Miss USA -- the Donald.

Rosie O'Donnell, the Lesbian Avenger of the modern world, took exception that Donald Trump, owner of the Miss USA pageant, allowed the current crown bearer to continue in her roll despite the face she just had a little forray into drugs, booze and kissing other women.

One of the kindest remarks Rosie had about the Donald was when she compared him to the snake oil salesmen that used to appear on the old TV show, Little House on the Prairie.

Trump shot back that it looked like Rosie, who lives with her significant other or partner or whatever they call these artificial spouses these days, had the hots for Miss USA

At one point Trump broke me up with his comment that Rosie was a very unattractive woman on the outside -- and inside she was even more unattractive.

"Ultimately, Rosie is a loser, and ultimately ("The View") will fail because of Rosie," Trump said. Barbara (Walters) made a mistake and let me tell you something, Barbara's a good friend of mine. She cannot stand Rosie O'Donnell."

Will Rosie sue Trump?

Will Trump sue Rosie?

Will Rosie dump Kelli and make a play for Miss USA?

Will Britney and Paris get involved?

What about Lindsey Loman -- where does she fit into this picture?

Inquiring minds need to know.

CITY OF GARLAND TX HATES OLD PEOPLE

As a senior citizen I live on a very fixed income and like an increasingly large number of us, barely make ends meet from month to month.

Garland TX owns its own utility company and is one of the few cities in Texas to reject deregulation of electricity. You either buy your lights from Garland Utilities or you buy your own generator and maintain it.

Because so many retirees are paid only once a month Garland Utilities is flexible enough to let our due date on your lights and water bill slide until the day you receive your income -- provided you call them each month and ask for an extension.

And for this magnanimous bit of understanding -- they only charge you 5 percent of your bill each month.

Don't call and ask for an extension and your service is terminated.

So each month I get a cutoff notice, I call Garland Utilities, they extend my due date until the first of the month.

I do this every month. The cutoff date listed in their notice is always around the 25th without the extension and they adhere to it strictly.

So, comes November.

I come in the evening of the first and our water has been turned off -- despite me having a receipt showing the bill had been paid that day as promised.

For turning the water back on I was charged $60.

Yesterday I called for my monthly extension and was told it could not be granted, that I had not paid the full amount due. It was my understanding that the reconnection fee would be added to the December bill. Garland did not see it that way.

So I had to pay the $60 then and now I have to call back today and beg for an extension since my payment will be noted on their books today. Otherwise when I come home tonight either the lights or water -- or both -- will be turned off.

I wrote my city councilman an email about this and he evidently referred it to a Charles Cooper of Garland Utilities.

Mr. Cooper said he reviewed the situation and discovered that I had asked for an extension in October and one in December but did not ask for one in November so they turned off the water.

I told Mr. Cooper he could give me any excuse he wanted, but to please not insult my intelligence by telling me I had not been granted an extension. If I had not they would have shut off my service long before Nov. 1.

The bottom line is I had to use the money I had stashed away for refilling an arthritis prescription tomorrow and pay it to Garland Utilities to keep my electrical service from being terminated.

The city of Garland TX -- one of the last of the great robber barons.

And they can get away with it.